DISCLAIMER: Yep, it is another post where I cannot name who is who. This time I am going to not name the people involved, I am going to try to do something different.
For a long time, I was the in the middle of a relationship between two friends of mine. I was pretty much best friends with both of them. For a long time they had this mutual attraction together, but nothing happened. Either he had a girlfriend or she was living out of state. There was something in the way, it was never me. When they were upset with each other, I had to be the ear to listen to their troubles, both side. I tried to be a good friend and I think I was. It was so strange, there were times when we would hang out and you could feel tension. But, I don’t know, there was a part of me that rooted for these two, because they were my best friends, but I knew they were doomed to fail. There was just something about them, the clashed and butted heads. Not to mention my feelings, the feelings I had to hide and bottle up for the betterment of my friends.
As I like to do, I like to go back in time a little, or in this case a lot. This all started about 20 years ago, I was still in High School and close to 15 years old. There was a friend of mine, he told me a girl in one of his classes had a crush on me. I did not have any classes with her, but he was determined to show me who she was. I remember he told me to look for a girl that looked like Princess Jasmine from the Disney film Aladdin. Believe me I looked around the school for this girl, every time I had a lunch or between classes I would kind of scan the crowd of people, we had 2,000 people in the school. I do not remember seeing her. That was that, for a couple of years, I would not forget about this girl, never named that looked like a Disney Princess.
Senior year was upon us all and I finally met Princess Jasmine. We had mutual friends and I told her the story about her being called Princess Jasmine. We were both amazed that we had not seen each other, Freshman, Sophomore or Junior year. 2,000 people and we did not cross each others path one time. But it did not matter, we had an art class together or something and became fast friends. Actually she may have been in the photography class that was in session at the same time as one of my 4 art classes my senior year. We got the chance to hang out a few times and it was fun. Then I found out one of my best friends had a crush on her and at that point, I put my attraction aside. Lets face it, she was a pretty girl and though we were friends I had a little bit of an interest. She also graduated from High School after the first half of the year, so after she was gone I did not see much of her.
Senior year was about over and I was full of all kinds of emotions. We met up with a bunch of other friends on the night of graduation and she helped me feel a lot better. She did this without even knowing what was wrong. I was still very attracted to her, but did not follow up on it because, I had not seen her and my friend had feelings for her. So we moved on with our friendship and it was legendary. We hung out for a good portion of the summer, like nearly every day. She became one of my best friends before I left for the United States Army basic training. It was terrible, I continued to develop feelings for her, no matter who I dated and who she either dated or was interested in, like my best friend. Yeah that was still going on.
1999 – 2000
When I got home, she was there. We picked up like nothing had changed, you know what else was still there? Yeah, her strange relationship or whatever you want to call it with my best friend. This is when things picked up and something popped in my head. My best friend, he had a long time girlfriend and it still felt like he “called dibs” on this girl. I felt like no matter what I did or how I felt, I was doomed to be the third wheel in their bizarre, love…I don’t even know what to call it. But I am sure I am not the only friend of hers that had a little crush on her, even if mine was going into its second year. This is when I learned she was moving to California to go to school. This upset me and at the same time, I was so happy for her, this was an amazing opportunity and it may put to rest my feelings and my best friends feelings.
We talked, I think every single week. I would buy a phone card with a bunch of minutes and talk to her while I was working overnights at this gas station in a small town I live in. I missed her so much and every time she would come home, we would make it epic. Nothing that the average person would consider epic. But we would spend every waking moment together. At the time we were into the band Korn. I sent her a picture of the lead singer, Jonathon Davis from some magazine and she brought it home. We took that picture out with us and were showing it to everyone. In the time before “selfies” we could have had a lot of fun with camera phones. I don’t even think we had cell phones at the time. We took him to Subway and had lunch and then drove him around town.
Of course she would go back and I would be crushed again. My relationship with this girl was very heartbreaking. We would continue our talks and when she was home, we would hang out.
At some point, I may be wrong in the timeline, she wanted to go to school in New Orleans. I was all for it and excited. She was going to take a break and hang out at home for a while. Little did I know, her and my best friend were up to their old games. When it came to her move to New Orleans, he helped her move.
With that, I finally moved on with my feelings, or so I tried. When she would come home and visit, I would try to distance myself. I still wanted to be friends with her, but with no future as a “couple”, I just did not want to get hurt again.
By mid- 2003, I was deep into dating and my life was so much different. I barely talked to her anymore and even my best friend. They were always there, but as time goes on, you tend to drift from people. I can honestly tell you my love for her never died. But I knew it would never happen. I was not the guy she wanted and she was never in the same place for too long. It was never going to happen and it never did happen.
Looking back, I loved our friendship, even if I took out the feelings I had. We had a lot of fun, but for me, I wanted more. And for a time, I thought she did too. I am glad I never pressed the issue too hard or even at all. I could have lost her as friendship. Although, it has been 9 or 10 years since the last time we saw each other. I am married now and my family is amazing. But I will never forget all those times we shared and adventures we took on together. I guess I only had a crush, it lasted a long time. I am glad we were friends and as my friend…