Songs for Elizabeth

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!  I published this article last year.  It is a hard one for me to face to this day.

I hope everyone gets to celebrate with someone special today.  I will be with my special someone as well.  Elizabeth, we have been together for nearly 14 years and married for over 10 years now.

In 2013 Elizabeth was pregnant with our second child, our daughter.  Around 6 months in Elizabeth had terrible headaches and we found that she had a brain tumor.  She had brain surgery while pregnant with our daughter.  Helaina came into the world 8 weeks early and had to stay in the special care nursery at Barnes-Jewish Hospital.  Elizabeth got one week off before starting her first cancer treatment, Chemo and Radiation.

She has battled Glioblastoma Stage IV for nearly 4 years and recently took a turn for the worse.  We wont get to go out to dinner or anything romantic, but I will still get to be with her.

We have had some financial issues over the past few years and if you’d like to help, please donate or share

I wanted to do something special, so I picked out a few songs.  These are songs, when I hear them, she comes to mind immediately.

Elizabeth, I love you and these are for you…

Evanescence – My Immortal

I get emotional every single time I hear My Immortal.  It really takes me to a very dark place in my life and reminds me that Elizabeth was always there for no matter what.  In the end, it took her leaving me to make me heal from my mother’s death.

She has stuck with me, no matter the challenge.  When I wanted to become a comic writer, work on websites.  Elizabeth has always had my back.  She chose me over others in my times of need.

She has held my hand through all of these tough years, she has been on my right every day.  No matter how dark my world could get, her smile, her hand on my cheek would change everything.

Muse – Madness

Sometimes, our world has felt so crazy and when things got though, I would look at her and simply say, “madness”.  We would share a laugh, knowing how rough life has been and how many obstacles we have passed…We always made it, no matter the odds.  If I can describe our love in one word, it would be…Madness. Our love conqured all, our love for each other guided us through the darkness into the light.  When she first took my hand I knew we were in for a wild ride…Madness

Now, I have finally seen the light…I have finally realized what you need…

John Williams – Across the Stars

As many of you know, I am an avid Star Wars fan, unhealthy love for the films, books, games and comics.  When Elizabeth and I met we were driving around in my car listening to a mixed CD.  We decided to go to Jack n the Box resruant for some late night food and as we waited in the drive thru, Across the Stars came played.  I looked at her, she was 22, and so beautiful.  I remember what I was thinking, that moment…I love her…Then it came out, I told her that I love her…she smiled and put her hand on my face and told me…”I know”.  We kissed and she told me that she loves me too.

On September 16, 2006 we were married and after the vows were said we walked together as a married couple to Across the Stars.  I could not have been happier.

Foo Fighters – Everlong

We have always had an “us against the world” type of feeling while we have been together.  There are people who did not want to see us together, but we put on our blinders and lived our lives.

There are some lyrics in the song that hit me hard.  The entire song itself, we don’t really relate to, but…
<blockquote>If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when</blockquote>
And I wonder…

Maroon 5 – Secret

In 2004, I lost my mother.  We were very close, and losing her took me to a very dark place.  Unfortunately, Elizabeth and I were in a fresh relationship and I couldn’t be there for her, the way I should have.  I was not myself.  I possibly ruined any chances of some people liking me and may have forever stained their perception of me.

2005, Elizabeth broke my heart and broke up with me.  But, it was the smart play.  It was just what I needed to kick myself out of the funk I was in.  We ended up secretly getting back together.  She kept it from her parents, because they did not like me or her with me.

She loved that it was a secret and introduced this Maroon 5 song to me and it kind of spiced things up.  When I here this one, I am transported back to a time of us sneaking around together.  Meeting in secret was, well sexy.  The only people who knew, were Elizabeth and I.

Incubus – Dig

We would listen to a lot of Incubus together.  We traveled so much before the kids were born and Incubus was the best medicine.

The song is about finding the better part of someone when they are showing their worst.  Elizabeth always saw the good in me and brought out the best in me.

We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other</blockquote>
These lyrics stick with me and hurt so bad.
<blockquote>Remind me that we’ll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

Hoobastank – the Reason

Ok, Hoobastank…lets deal with that for a moment.  No the best band ever, but this song explains what Elizabeth has always been to me…She is the reason for me.  The reason, every single day I want to be the best man I can be for her, for the children…Still makes me weep.

I never meant to hurt Elizabeth before we broke up…but she helped make me the man I am today.  She became my reason to crawl out of the darkness and see there is so much more in the world than darkness…I am not a perfect person…

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many thing I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
I found my reason…

My heart is breaking every single day.  I watch her slip away…I don’t know if I can even express the way I feel to anyone.  My wife, Elizabeth Marek has brain cancer and I have so much hope, but I am terrified of what may be coming.  My life would be incomplete without her. She has been my everything for 14 years.

I wish I could just take her pain away, give it to myself.  I’d rather suffer than watch her do it.  Life is not fair and for this to be happening to Elizabeth and not me, it just is not fair.  We are supposed to fight this world together…Me and Elizabeth against all odds.

I have said it before.  If you have someone special…love them, love them hard.  You never know how long it will last.  Love them…

Elizabeth…you still have all of me…I love you…I miss you so much

Rayzor’s Romances: Jenny the Girl with S.A.R.S.


Happy New Year everyone, I hope you are ready for some more stories of romance, from my past.  Some identities I do not think I need to protect.  I have contacted a couple of the girls in these stories to get permission to use their names and it has worked out.  The next person, I don’t even know where to begin to look to find her, let’s call her Jenny. Read More »

Rayzor’s Romances: Grand Moff Tarkington (part 3)

RoR Romances

DISCLAIMER: Everything told in this story is from my, Rayzor’s point of view, I changed the names of the parties involved to protect their identities.

One day I came in to work and she was leaving.  She tried walking past me without and word, but I had to stop her.  Something was wrong.  She just quit working for Toys r Us.  She didn’t want to tell me, we were days from New Year’s eve and I thought we were going to Godfather’s parry together and I knew her time after was limited.  I told her we can work it out.  But she insisted it was for the best.  She told me, “I do not want to start a new year that I cannot finish with you.”  She walked away and out the door.  I stood there in the middle of a toy store, kind of heart broken. Read More »

Rayzor’s Romances: Grand Moff Tarkington (part 2)

RoR Romances

DISCLAIMER: Everything told in this story is from my, Rayzor’s point of view, I changed the names of the parties involved to protect their identities.

A DEFTONES SHIRT!!!  Maybe, just maybe we are meant to be together, right?

Maybe not, I did find an interesting subject to finally talk to her about.  The Deftones are my favorite band and they were back in 2002.  From that moment on, I finally got the chance to talk to her.  At one point I realized the season was closing in on us and nothing happened.  So I asked her if she wanted to hang out after work.

I picked her up, not knowing how close she was to me this entire time.  She was living on campus at the college, not 5 minutes from my house.  I remember walking to her dorm room and thinking about how amazing it would have been to date her.  She lived so close. Read More »

Rayzor’s Romances: Grand Moff Tarkington (part 1)


DISCLAIMER: Everything told in this story is from my, Rayzor’s point of view, I changed the names of the parties involved to protect their identities.

So yeah, I’m a big time star wars fan.  But honestly this girl has nothing to do with Star Wars.  Come to think about it, I’ve never dated a girl who was into Star Wars.  That is a shame.

Since this is the Christmas season, I thought I’d go back to the old days of seasonal retail work.  So back in the old days I worked at Toys r Us from 2000 to 2004 and every Christmas season brought a new batch of seasonal employees.  This usually meant a couple of things, young just out of high school kids and early 20s woman.  Usually there would be a few new relationships or hook ups during the Christmas season, giving an entirely new meaning to “it’s the season to be jolly”.

For the most part, I passed on these, 2000 I  was newer and didn’t know anyone and 2001 I was still fixated on Ellen.  2002 rolled anyone round and it happened a couple of times.  This particular case was a girl named…Tracy.  Of course you know the rules.  This is not her real name. Read More »

Rayzor’s Romances: Jillian Had One Thing Going For Her


DISCLAIMER: Everything told in this story is from my, Rayzor’s point of view, I changed the names of the parties involved to protect their identities.

Please don’t forget to like and follow me on Twitter and Facebook, click the words.  Remember, the names have been changed to protect the people involved, except me and Tony in this story.

It’s Tuesday and it is time for another installment of Rayzor’s Romances.  Yeah, it has been over 17 years and I still remember, I had a slight crush on a girl named…lets call her Jillian.  This was maybe junior or senior year of high school, so we’re talking 1997ish.

I had a decent exchange with Jillian,  we talked a little and she laughed at my sarcastic whit.  So eventually one of best friends, Tony asked if I’d be interested in her.  I said…sure she is ok looking.  The thing is, Jillian had giant breast, I mean huge and that was where my attraction lied, not her personality or looks.  I know it’s shallow, but I was a 17 year old high schooler with hormones to match.
So Tony went ahead and asked her what she thought of me.  Here is what happened: Read More »